Ways To Help Someone With Bipolar Disorder: The Ultimate Guide How To Support a Loved One With Bipolar Disorder

*Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

Bipolar disorder is a serious mental illness. If you are a loved one of someone diagnosed with bipolar disorder, it can be quite confusing how to support them. I know you have questions.

To help you better understand the ways you can help support your loved one living with bipolar disorder, I have put together this guide.

I have extensive experience living in the trenches with this illness. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder type 1 back in 1999. As such, I hope you find some suggestions helpful and worth trying.

The ideas I suggest are based on my experience of living with bipolar disorder and the vast input I’ve received from my loved ones.

Ways that You Can Support Your Loved One

Let’s take a look at how you can best support your loved one diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

1. Open Communication with Your Loved One

If you do not know exactly what bipolar disorder is all about, more than likely you have heard of it.

The label of bipolar is the same for everyone who is diagnosed with it, but each exhibits different symptoms of varying degrees and intensities. That’s why you must have a frank conversation with your loved one.

If your loved one is newly diagnosed, they may not even understand how they are feeling. It’s important to remember this and give them space when needed.

Here are some questions to think about when talking to your loved one:

• How can I best support you?
• What makes you feel safe?
• Is there a best way to approach you when you aren’t doing well?
• What expectations should we have with each other?

These questions will get you started. The big thing is you and your loved one need to know the expectations of your relationship. It may be helpful to type up a list of these expectations. They aren’t rules, but a way for you to know how to maintain a healthy living arrangement.

You must set clear boundaries. This is true not only for your loved one’s sake but for you as well.

2. Where is Your Love One Living?

Maintaining a stable environment is extremely important in managing bipolar disorder. One of the first ways you can help your loved one is to make sure they have a healthy living arrangement.

If they are in a high-stress situation, research possible alternative living arrangements. Put together a list of options to go over with your loved one.

If you can open your home as an option, offer it as a suggestion. Throughout my journey, some of my family and friends have allowed me to stay with them for periods. There is something to be said about having the physical presence of family and friends around. Again, only if this is a healthy possibility.

You can also enlist the help of housing agencies, social services, therapists, and other medical professionals. Asking around can open up options that you didn’t even think about.  

3. Keep a Journal

I highly recommend keeping a journal, especially if your loved one is living with you.

In it, you can write down the various behaviors of your loved one. Don’t just write down the bad ones, but the good ones as well.

You can write down:

• Eating habits
• When medication is taken
• Sleeping habits (time going to bed, time waking up, and naps)
• Moods throughout the day
• Anxiety
• Irritability
• Activities
• Discussions
• Anything that may be helpful for your loved one’s doctor or therapist

Make sure you tell your loved one that you will be keeping a journal. It is an extremely important tool that you can take to your loved one’s doctor appointments and appointments with other medical professionals.

If your loved one isn’t, keeping a journal, make the suggestion.

A journal can show trends, how medication is working, how lifestyle changes are improving your loved one’s functionality, and other measurable behaviors.

4. Create a Crisis and Treatment Plan

A Crisis and Treatment Plan is imperative for anyone diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It is easy to put together and will save you a lot of time and energy in the long run.

A Treatment Plan is a plan of attack to manage your loved one’s bipolar disorder. Discuss this with all medical professionals involved. Type it up and give a copy to both the treating doctor and the therapist.

Your Treatment Plan should include:

• Contact info for the doctor and therapist
• Medications (currently taking and ones tried previously)
• List of lifestyle changes
• List of coping strategies

It’s a great idea to post a copy on the fridge.

A Crisis Plan goes into effect when your loved one gets sick (manic/hypomanic or depressed).

You can set up a Crisis Plan in whatever format you choose. Make sure to create this part of the plan when your loved one is stable.

Answer questions such as

• How can your support system step in to help?
• Will you go to the hospital willingly when your doctor or therapist suggests it?
• Are there any “as-needed” meds that can be taken before an episode is full-blown?
• How can we keep you safe?

Creating a plan of attack before things get bad will put everyone on the same page. All expectations and potential courses of action are typed up in black and white.

5. Reminders

When I was first diagnosed, having my friends and family around helped me to get through.

It’s overwhelming to find out that you have a mental illness. Your life is turned upside down. You have all these new things to think about, like taking meds, seeing a prescribing doctor, talking to a therapist, and creating a healthy lifestyle.

Anything to lift this burden will help.

If your loved one lives with you, it is easy to remind them of appointments and to take medication. Just check first if this is something they need.

6. Check-in

Most people welcome others checking in on them. You know, to make sure everything is ok. It’s nice to know that those around you care.

Not everyone is this way, though. Some may see it as an invasion of privacy. That is why it is imperative to have open communication with your loved one.

If your loved one is living at home with you, check-ins almost have to be a mandatory thing. How are you supposed to help your loved one if you don’t know how they are doing or feeling?

It is best to discuss the expectations related to check-ins.

Here are some questions:

• Is it okay to check in when you feel like it?
• Do you want to check in first thing in the morning? Midday? The evening? All three?
• What would make you feel most comfortable?

The worst thing you can do is guess. It is not okay to walk on eggshells around your own home.

Expectations and open communication will help to clarify your uncertainty and set clear boundaries.

7. Reducing the Burden

As I previously mentioned, anything to lift the burden of this illness benefited me. I appreciated all the help and support I received. Although, I know everyone is different.

My support network helped by taking me to appointments. They would accompany me to my appointments. While there, they could give my doctor and therapist an outsider’s perspective of the situation.

In fact, I would split up my therapy appointments. For the first part of my appointment, I would see my therapist alone. Then, my loved ones would join us and give their perspective on how things were going.

This is a great opportunity to look at the journal you have been keeping. Appointments with medical professionals can sometimes be quite stressful. Have your ideas and questions written down in your journal. That way, you will be prepared to discuss what you need to.

Speak to your loved one about ways you can help alleviate some of their stress. You can offer to drive them to the store, call insurance for problems, and any other logistical issues that could contribute to stress.

8. Children in the Picture

Not everyone falls into this category, but it is important to use caution when children are involved. There are a few scenarios and situations to consider.

If your loved one is married or living with a partner, they will hopefully have support from their significant other. Either way, you want to talk to the kids in an age-appropriate manner.

Kids are extremely perceptive about their environment. When something doesn’t seem right, they will know something is amiss.

I struggled with how to talk to my kids about my illness. My therapist gave me her professional opinion and I pretty much listened to what she had to say.

Since both of my kids are younger, I explained to them that I am sick and need to take my medication every day. Sometimes Daddy won’t always behave like himself, but that doesn’t mean I love them any less. They are not at the age where I can go into specifics.

I plan to disclose more as they grow older.

If my kiddos come to me asking questions, I will answer them honestly and to the best of my knowledge. I have always told them I’ll be as honest as I can.

My biggest suggestion is to enlist the support of your loved one’s therapist and doctor. They will know your situation better and can give you their professional advice.

9. Support with Legal Issues

There are hosts of legal issues that could befall your loved one.

Legal aid offices are available in most communities. They help to represent the poor and underserved.

You can also contact your local social services office. They can provide resources in the area.

Another way you can help your loved one is to contact your state’s bar association. Inquire which law firms provide a sliding scale.

It takes a little digging, but the resources are there. You just need to find them. Again, if you can help to ease their burden, that is the most helpful.

If your loved one shares custody with an ex, this will bring a new dimension to the situation. I share custody of my daughter. There is a provision in the divorce decree with my ex that addresses my bipolar disorder.

Basically, in the event I am hospitalized or too sick to take care of my daughter, my ex will take on sole decision-making of my daughter. Once I feel better, my doctor is required to write a note medically clearing me. The original divorce decree goes back into effect once I hand over the note to my ex or my doctor speaks to her.

Of course, every situation is different. I suggest you consult a lawyer as to your best options.

Last Thoughts

When it comes to helping your loved one diagnosed with bipolar disorder, start with a frank conversation. Determine which areas your loved one needs the most support. Each person and situation is unique.

If you need some extra help to figure out ways to support your loved one, speak with your loved one’s doctor and/or therapist.

Remember, managing bipolar disorder will be a lifelong journey for your loved one. It takes consistent and proactive action to get stabilized and to maintain that stability.

Bipolar disorder is an illness and not a decision. Take this into account when interacting with your loved one. They will act erratically and uncharacteristically.

As a last thought, remember: “You can only do the best you can with what you have at that particular time.”

Don’t give up on your loved one.

It will take time and a considerable amount of energy, but worth it in the end.