My Name is John Poehler, and I Created “The Bipolar Battle”

*Photo by I.am_nah on Unsplash

You can call me John Poehler. I have also gone by Johnny, but that was quite some time ago.

I am the creator of “The Bipolar Battle” and have felt a connection with my blog since I started it back in April 2017. You see, I felt that sharing my story may be of benefit to others going through the same struggles.

Let me give you some background…

Background of John Poehler

For most of my life, I have felt shame living with bipolar disorder. Towards the beginning, around the time of my diagnosis, I only spoke about my illness to a handful of people. After the negative response, I decided I would no longer volunteer the information to anybody.

Those days of shame are over! I no longer sit in the shadow of fear and uncertainty. If people don’t love me for me, then they can just move on. It makes no difference.

It took a lot of time and work to feel good in my shoes, but it has been completely worth it.

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder type 1 in 1999. I was elated and ecstatic to hear of my diagnosis. For the first time in my life, I could use a label to identify my suffering. For me, it brought relief.

Moving Forward

Please don’t get me wrong. It wasn’t all sunshine and butterflies.

• My energy level was almost non-existent at the beginning. I barely had enough energy to roll out of bed, shower, and eat in the morning. Many of the medications I tried kept me tired all the time.
• Some days I could not leave my place on account of my highly sedated feeling.
• The side effects of the medications I tried constantly led me to try new ones. Each medication has a laundry list of side effects. I always experienced a handful of these side effects.
• I never took one or two pills, but felt like I had a pharmacy of medications.
• Several times, I withdrew from Colorado State University. It took me 6 years to finish my B.S. and it was not even the degree I originally pursued.
• I could be psychotic from one minute to the next.

Epiphany of John Poehler

During my college career (and some years beyond), I underwent ECT (electroconvulsive therapy). I did 3 sessions per week: Mon/Wed/Fri. Short-term memory loss is a side effect of ECT. For me, that was not the only side effect. I forgot everything I had learned from my chemical engineering education and had to switch to a different college degree. To this day, I still do not remember what I was taught in engineering school but hey, at least I have a degree in something, right?

My entire life seemed like complete chaos, one pole or the other, no in-between.

Why, after I was diagnosed, did things seem to get worse?

After being so frustrated, I decided I needed to do something about my situation. It was important for me to find a way to stabilize it quicker than it was happening. When I say stabilize, I want my extreme moods to normalize. No more extreme anything.

John Poehler & His Focus

I (John Poehler) wanted a higher level of energy and control.

Bipolar disorder is a chemical illness and quite complex from one individual to the next. Everyone’s biology is unique, and this makes the treatment of bipolar disorder that much more complicated.

Biology and chemicals are the main components to dictate and drive bipolar disorder. We know with current science that bipolar disorder (generally) needs to be triggered by an extremely stressful event as well. There were some specific goals that I wanted to achieve.

To achieve these specific goals, I needed control to:

• Maintain a stable mood
• Enhance my energy level
• Improve my healthy eating choices and exercise

I felt completely out of control with bipolar disorder and a complete lack of stability. To solve this, I began researching and experimenting with ways to solve this feeling of being out of control. I like I was a puppet and bipolar disorder as the puppeteer.

One of the first things my doctor told me was the importance of always taking my meds and never going off them. At least do not go off them without the supervision of a doctor.

My doctor had my utmost respect. I made it a priority to find the medication(s) to solve my problem. Week after week, month after month, I became a guinea pig. It may sound bad, but the possibility of stability (and functionality) drove my focus.

Trial and Error

I tried medication after medication. I quickly found that my ability to tolerate side effects was not very high. The meds either did not work or had intolerable and horrible side effects. For the long-term management of my bipolar disorder, I simply could not justify it.

After I found the right set of medications, I realized medication management was not going to be the only thing I could count on. I came to this conclusion after I balanced out from a manic episode. It had been the longest period of stability until that point in my life. The experience opened my eyes. I could not just look at the chemical part of my illness. I needed to look outside the box.

Along my journey, I learned other skills. I tried different coping skills to find the optimum level of comfort. There are countless coping skills.

The experience reminded me of trying to find the right medications. I just needed to line things up perfectly. I must admit, the solution I found ended up being my literal salvation.

My Mission

I have spent a large portion of my life experimenting with ways to stabilize my mind. People don’t realize that when your mind is stabilized, your ability to function is greatly enhanced. You can focus, funnel your energy into something productive, and follow through with your dreams and aspirations.

The 20+ years I have spent managing my bipolar disorder have opened my eyes to those around me, the environment, the world, and myself.

My desire to maintain my functionality and stability will never go away. Now, I would like to share my own experiences with you. That is how I created The Bipolar Battle.

I have always enjoyed helping people, and this blog is a platform from which I can operate.

The mission of The Bipolar Battle is:

“Helping empower those living with bipolar disorder to live the life they deserve.”

Last Thoughts

I am confident and smart about my decisions. I am very careful and follow through when I need to follow through.

My energy and mood are stable.

I feel normal highs, lows, and everything in between.

There is consistency in my life. This is something I never thought possible.

The outcome is that I am thriving, not merely surviving.