Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT) On My Brain

ECT, also known as electroconvulsive therapy, is used to treat unipolar depression and bipolar depression. It is also utilized for treating other mental illnesses.

A medical professional can also prescribe ECT treatment for some individuals who have mania or are in a mixed state. Older patients and those who are not responding to regular treatment are strong candidates, as well. A doctor specializing in ECTs will thoroughly interview the patient to determine if ECT is the best option for their situation.

Many people have asked my advice regarding electroconvulsive therapy. I will tell you what I have told them, but just remember—this is based solely on my personal experience with ECT. I am not a medical professional and do not pretend to be. This is my own lived experience.

My experience with ECT is quite extensive. Over the course of about 5-6 years, I had around 55 individual ECT treatments.

My Experience with ECT

The healthcare professionals assured me in my case that my short-term memory would not be significantly affected. The medical professionals assured me that my short-term memory would come back fairly quickly after the conclusion of my treatments. 

Well, the doctors were right—I regained my short-term memory. My long-term memory, however, was a different story. It affected me in a way that left me frustrated and lost.

During that period, I was in the midst of my college years, working towards becoming a chemical engineer. To this day, almost 20 years later, I do not remember those chemical engineering classes. 

Indeed, I still possessed multiple notebooks brimming with class notes, homework, and labs. It is quite scary that they were all in my handwriting, and I can’t recollect even one word, drawing, or diagram.

Ultimately, I finished three years of chemical engineering school before changing to natural sciences and graduating with a Bachelor of Science, as well as minors in Math and Chemistry.

Although I didn’t complete my chemical engineering degree, I am grateful I ended up earning a degree in natural sciences. It took me longer than normal, but no one can take my degree away from me. Although, the ECT treatments took away my long-term memory.

Please click below to hear me describe my experience with ECT.

What Is It Like to Get an ECT Treatment?

Electroconvulsive therapy is not like it used to be. I’m sure you’ve seen it portrayed in pop culture movies as a primitive and barbaric act. Have you Ever Seen One Few Over the Cuckoo’s Nest or A Beautiful Mind with Russel Crowe? Now, there are fewer side effects and is more humane. A paralytic is used to stop almost all movement during the procedure. So, the use of a paralytic almost entirely eliminates the risk of violent convulsions.

The schedule is generally Monday, Wednesday, and Friday early in the morning for a few weeks at a time. If I remember correctly, maintenance ECTs are once a month. 

Upon my arrival in the pre-op area, I filled out a memory form that included simple questions related to cognitive abilities. An ECT nurse took my vitals, and each time walked me through what to expect.

After putting on a hospital gown, the nurse pushed me into the procedure room on a hospital bed. The nurse positioned me on the bed for the ECT treatment, and my doctor put in an IV. 

Next, my doctor administered a muscle relaxant, along with a host of other medications, and I quickly fell asleep. 

They performed bilateral ECT treatments on me. After they anesthetized me, my doctor put an electrode on each of my temples. Electricity passed through my brain, between each electrode, which started a seizure. The doctor monitored my seizures on his machine. The only indication of my seizure was the twitching of my little toe.

I awoke to a nurse telling me I was in recovery and already had my ECT treatment. My memory is extremely fuzzy about this step in the process, but I remember having oxygen and taking a memory and another cognitive function test.

Inpatient Versus Outpatient ECT Treatments

Throughout my experience with ECT, I received ECT treatments as both an in-patient and out-patient. The logistics are different for each, but the result of an ECT treatment is always the same.

As an out-patient, I was required to have a competent adult drive me to my ECT treatments and take me home. I also needed somebody to stay with me for the rest of the day. The instructions stated I could not drive or make any important decisions.

If you have a loved one or other trusted individual in your life, going through ECT treatments on an outpatient basis is a viable option.

However, you may have nobody to drive you and take care of you for the treatment. Maybe you require hospitalization anyway. Perhaps a loved one simply cannot. This was the case for me, and I ended up staying in the hospital for a couple of months. Not only because an adult could not be with me, but to keep me safe.

The Reality of My ECT Experience

I am a strong advocate for doing your best, given the resources available. That is one reason I do not feel bitter or harbor anger regarding my experience with ECT.

It is always easier to blame an issue on someone else or something else. That kind of thinking has always brought me down. So, I always choose a different approach to the doom and gloom type of mentality.

For me, ECT was a last-ditch effort to save my life, and it did. For me, that is enough to celebrate. It helped get rid of the suicidality I was feeling, along with the hopelessness.

Losing the memory of my engineering schooling (along with other memories during that time) was devastating—especially when I had friends, family members, and teachers question my reasoning for halting my efforts to complete my chemical engineering. At the time, I did not feel prepared to fully disclose my bipolar disorder diagnosis or explain my participation in ECT treatments.

It was a different time back then, and I kept the part of my life regarding bipolar disorder a secret.

My Last Words About ECT

ECT treatments saved my life. I’m glad I underwent ECT treatments when considering whether to do so. Still, I am fully aware that each person’s situation is extremely unique.

I’ll never get my memories back. I was never able to complete my Chemical engineering degree, but I ended up with a degree and two minors. For me, that is ok. I am beyond grateful for the life I have and that I am living. I hold no animosity, ill will, or resentment about that time in my life. 

Deciding whether to have ECT treatments is kind of like deciding whether to enter a psychiatric hospital. Like most people, I never like to go. Sometimes, I recognize that I need that extra push to fully recover, so going is crucial for me. 

I think you can look at electroconvulsive therapy similarly. It is a last-ditch treatment to save your life. Before considering you for ECT treatments, a doctor who specializes in ECT must evaluate and approve you as a suitable candidate for this treatment.

Everyone’s situation is unique. What works for me may not work for you, and vice versa. I think that is important to remember whether you are contemplating the possibility of ECT treatments or any decision, for that matter.

In certain cases, electroconvulsive therapy may be an appropriate option. You may need it literally to stay alive—I know I did.