Bipolar Disorder Is Characterized By Manic And Depressive Episodes: What Exactly Is Mania?
Mania is at the top end of the bipolar spectrum. If you live with bipolar disorder type 1, I know you have experienced a manic episode. After all, it is part of the diagnostic criteria for bipolar disorder.
Living with bipolar disorder is an everyday battle that rages at all times.
I have accepted that bipolar disorder does not have a cure, and it is something I need to manage for the rest of my life. I call it “The Bipolar Battle” for reason!
Even though I successfully manage my bipolar disorder, I can still feel the tug on my mood in both directions.
With bipolar disorder, I feel the ebb and flow of energy, motivation, and desire for life, both waxing and waning. It takes its hold not only on my mind but also on my body, as well. The aches and pains that are not really there can plague my body.
Mania
Stability is the middle ground between the manic and depressive poles of bipolar disorder. It is a reprieve from the extreme episodic nature of a mood disorder.
During times of stability, I feel the so-called “normal” ups and downs that everyone experiences. My thoughts go through my head at a reasonable rate. I comprehend what is happening and going on around me. I know what is real and what is not.
Have you ever questioned the reality of what is going on in front of your eyes? You know, if what is going on in front of you is really happening, or what you are looking at is really there – without drugs, of course?
Euphoric Mania
Feeling a manic episode coming on is like an enormous wave building up in the ocean. It starts slowly and grows stronger. My thoughts are the same way. They start to gain speed. I feel electric energy surging in my body. Everything around me feels and seems so incredibly clear. The clarity of my senses borders on that of superhuman.
It is like being wrapped up in love and light – if you can imagine that!
The thoughts in my head are innovative, clear, and creative. At least, that is what I feel. It’s as if everyone “deserves” to hear my groundbreaking ideas and theories, so I quickly start sharing them with everyone, whether they want to listen or not.
As the thoughts in my mind gain speed and momentum, I can no longer get ahold of them. I feel pressure to share my thoughts before I lose them for good. Otherwise, they fly right on by to the next one. These are termed “racing thoughts” by the medical community because they are going too fast for our minds to keep up – let alone, retain – in our memories. I cannot sit with my thoughts because they come and go in a heartbeat.
With these racing thoughts flying through my mind, I cannot sleep. An anxious energy explodes and pulsates throughout my body. During a time such as this, I can end up writing pages and pages while everyone is asleep. I start new projects, I expand on the ones I am working on, and I have a deep desire to get out and do something.
This experience is called a “euphoric” mania. To those looking in from the outside, it seems exciting, fun, and thrilling.
Before I go on, I would like to make a brief point. Please remember these are my first-hand personal experiences. Each person is unique and so is the symptomology of their bipolar disorder.
With the sleepless nights increasing, the paradigm within my mind starts to shift. My recent manic episodes I have experienced are like the one I am describing to you here.
Dysphoric Mania
As my “fun” and exciting “euphoric” mania progresses, it switches over to a “dysphoric” mania. At this point, things start to fall apart. During my “euphoric” time, I write, draw, and work out, and I participate in other physical activities quite a bit more than when I am stable. During the switch from “euphoric” mania to a “dysphoric” mania, however, my mind is numb. The clarity I feel with my heightened senses is no longer there. Instead, my senses are overwhelmed and overloaded. I cannot contain the increasing energy inside me. As my thoughts continue to spiral out of control, the sleepless nights continue to increase in number.
The muffled white noise I heard in the background gives way to a voice. I hear one, two, three, and sometimes more voices. The walls start moving, and the dark figures that are not really there start to emerge. The dread, fear, and paranoia is all-consuming. Psychosis rears its ugly head full-force and without mercy.
Spiritual Warfare During Mania
The psychosis I experience allows me a glimpse into the spiritual realm. Now, I fully comprehend the spiritual warfare going on in the world. Religious and spiritual beliefs aside, I strongly believe there is both good and evil in this world. Within my mind, this evil materializes in the form of demons hunting me down by command of the devil. They search for me in an effort to possess my mind and body. They chase me, talk to me, and try to possess my body.
Have you ever seen a horror movie? During a dysphoric mania, my reality becomes a nightmare in the form of a living-breathing horror movie.
If I do not receive psychiatric intervention as soon as possible, the situation continues to escalate. For those of you living with bipolar disorder, what has your experience with mania been like?
My last manic episode happened back in 2016, and it lasted for about a month. It took a full-frontal assault of all the tools, strategies, and professional support to bring me back to reality. It took another five months of support and switching and tweaking medication to successfully recover from the chaos.
For those of you who have never experienced a manic episode, you must realize that mania is not like a weekend trip to the spa. It is not a simple act of getting some rest and relaxation and then feeling better. Unfortunately, getting over mania is not that easy!
Last Thoughts
Bipolar disorder evolves, changes, and morphs over time. It is important to understand this simple, yet very important fact. For example, I have not always experienced dysphoric mania. It is something that has materialized as I have gotten older.
More times than not, those diagnosed with bipolar disorder abruptly stop treatment when they start to feel better. Unfortunately, this is extremely common and a very dangerous line of thinking.
Bipolar disorder does not have a cure, and a manic or depressive episode can happen out of the blue, without any trigger or warning. It is a “degenerative” disease because without treatment it progressively gets worse as time moves forward. However, with the right treatment, the intensity of manic and depressive episodes decreases, and the time between episodes gets longer and longer. This has been my experience and those of the many individuals I have met since my diagnosis, and it is backed by science.
Through my years of struggling, surviving, and fighting, I have learned how to successfully manage my bipolar disorder. It is a matter of finding the right treatment, and there is no “cookie-cutter” approach. Discovering the right treatment is as unique as each person.
